9.26.2020 - week 73
influence vs. position
a couple weeks ago i got one of those texts, ‘hey can you talk?’
something about the phrasing and i knew it couldn’t be good news. it was from a good friend, but not someone i talk with everyday or even every week.
the moment she answered the story came tumbling out.
through tears she described ailing parents + struggling siblings, an overwhelming amount of difficulty she had no control over and little chance at solving. she said
‘i didn’t know who else to call, can you pray for me’
it crystallized something i have been thinking about for a long time. i have never been her pastor, have no role of leadership in her life, yet in a moment of crisis, she wanted to chat with me, why? i’m guessing, because she had a sense i could minister to right where she was at i suppose. this story isn’t about me, but about an important idea. i really care about her, she knows it, so she called at the important moment.
be the person others want in crisis, not the person others avoid.
position is nothing, influence is everything.
my sister in law is one of the most important people in my life. she’s kristen’s older sister and over time she has become mine also. i’m the oldest in my family, so i have never had someone in that teasing / protective space. she’s the absolute jedi master of this thing called ‘non-judgmental’ listening. when you talk to her, she accepts your premise + intently gathers up your thoughts/feelings/emotions in a supportive way. she doesn’t try to adjust or fix things, just listens. she’s careful not to make the conversation about her desires, but about understanding yours.
the genius of this strategy is that it makes her a go-to person for both kristen + i. we ask her for advice because she’s so hesitant in offering it unsolicited. because she’s such a student of the people she loves, her insights are often profound and always framed in a way that’s hearable.
in the same way that studies show that supportive relationships with pregnant women are the most effective way to reduce abortion, allison’s willingness not to demand i hear her opinion makes me more desirous of hearing it.
be the person others want in crisis, not the person others avoid.
position is nothing, influence is everything.
KG Korner
(a few wise words from lady kristen macdonald)
‘May the Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.’
2 Timothy 1:18
If you’re anything like me, you’re thinking, ‘Kristen, that’s an interesting verse to choose.’
And you’re right I didn’t remember him from my Bible reading either. But this verse blessed my heart and if we breeze by it I fear we would forgo a powerful opportunity. Let me set the stage for you: Paul is in prison, he has heralded the truth of the gospel with all his might and he is writing a letter to Timothy to remind him of a few things. This may seem minor but as a commentary suggested Timothy & Paul both knew Onesiphorus and he had a ‘reputation for unselfish service.’
Venture with me to sit in Paul’s chains with me for a sec. He was sitting in a prison for doing what he knew was right but his suffering was real. We have to remember Paul was amazing but he was still human; I’m sure he was lonely and probably longed for a better setting but he knew deep in his core that his suffering was all worth it. So as he encouraged Timothy he’s also saying, know the whole deal : suffering comes right along with it. A commentary also suggested that some of Paul’s friends had left him high and dry and that ‘Onesiphorus went to much trouble to track Paul down.’ I don’t know about you but especially when I am feeling lonely in the friendship department I could use refreshment or cheering up. It’s obvious that Paul and Onesiphorus’ friendship meant that much.
Although most of us won’t find ourselves in chains because of serving Christ. I haven’t met a person yet in God’s green earth that isn’t grateful for a friend who has not only gone the extra mile with them but has propped them up, prayed for them, held their hand at times or simply went to find them and bring them a treat even if it was out of the way. You don’t forget a friend like that.
Often we find ourselves in one of two positions: either we need the Onesiphorus or we need to be the Onesiphorus. Proverbs 17:17 says, ‘A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.’ If you’ve ever been on the receiving end like Paul you simply can’t forget the kindness and the effort.
This week Luke was talking to a former student from our youth ministry. His sister had been in my small group years ago and there was a time that he was really worried about her. Like any good brother he called Luke back then and asked us to help knowing all hands needed to be on deck to make sure she didn’t go completely ‘off the rails.’ Luke and I had forgotten about this but he reminded Luke because our support & care was etched in his mind.
And in the same way there’s a few men who have really stepped up in Luke’s life in the last few years. I could never repay them for being a friend to him on the good and bad days no matter the need in which they time and time again stepped up and showed up.
So my encouragement is simple this week, I pray that whoever God lays on your heart that needs cheering and refreshment you would do just that. And if you need encouragement pray that God would bring you an Onesiphorus - he is more than able. You may never know how desperately they needed it but what a gift to be able to be the hands and feet of love, God speed.
cup of leadership
‘the plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance,
but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.’
proverbs 21.5
and then what.
most of the worst decisions you + i made as teenagers were because we failed to ask …
the uneeded breakages of relationship cause by spouting off because we failed to ask …
the credit card debt caused by that thing we needed to have but didn’t think through …
the relentless drive towards a goal that kills so many other important things along the way because we failed to ask …
every decision has another decision waiting behind it. most often when we recklessly push from thing to thing without honestly taking account of what may happen next .. we hurt ourselves.
book review
aimee byrd has done something very difficult. she has pushed at some excesses and overreaches in conservative gender theology, without sprinting across the room to the liberal side. there is a whole (typically dopey insular + small minded) controversy about this book, but i didn’t see the need for it. there is a gracious attempt to hold the line for biblical truth (men + women are equal/different) without canonizing non biblical ideas. if you are a person from this conservative tradition, i think you may be helped by the insights found here.
stuff for you to click on
1. this thread answers this question — is the narrative we are taught about abortion in conservative circles accurate? i found it interesting (even if some of the conclusions weren’t precisely my view)
2. my mid-week service this week i think will be an encouragement to you. its a punchy 45 minutes of music + teaching. watch it here!