5.2.2020 - week 53
don’t be a topper
proverbs 18:13 — if one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame.
proverbs 18:2 — a fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.
there’s a famous monty python skit my dad and his brothers used to quote all time when i was a kid that captures a concept really well. in it the 4 yorkshiremen argue about who had it worse growing up getting more preposterous as they go.
—
MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, 'Money doesn't buy you happiness.'
EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.
GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!
TJ: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!
MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.
all the way to …
TJ: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
—
so dumb, right? no one likes a topper. that’s what i call that person that takes whatever story they just heard and tries to make it more by turning it to themselves. these folks are wearying to be around because they don’t actually care about you. you are just a jumping off point to talk more about themselves. your triumphs and tragedies always pale in comparison to their tales. in some cases, its accidental, they are trying to connect through commonality but just do it a bit clumsily. but either way, they relate to you by discussing themselves.
it’s not loving. one of my more substantial learnings lately is the degree to which the scarcity/competition mindset of american sports invades our relationships. there’s no ‘winning’ a conversation, only earning the chance for another one. often the most loving thing you can for someone is to listen to what they are saying, ask follow-up questions to understand while offering no advice or ‘that happened to me too’ thoughts at all. that keeps the conversation about them.
you aren’t helping the lonely person by describing a time when you were more lonely
you aren’t helping the unfairly unemployed thru corona by bringing up the depression conversation is connection, not competition. meet what’s being said, don’t try to adjust it to fit your sense of what people should feel.
KG Korner
(a few wise words from lady kristen macdonald)
This week I turned a year older and let me tell you that’s evidenced in my hairline color! I could claim wisdom (Proverbs 20:28) or I could blame the quarantine or my kids but in reality it started happening a few years ago. Whether the Bible calls gray hair wisdom or not I’m not totally willing to let that wisdom shine through my roots and so I decided to order ‘root spray’ a few weeks ago to help bridge the gap. The irony is that the wonderful company called Amazon doesn’t consider the “root spray” essential and so instead of it arriving in two days it took about two and a half weeks! Clearly these are first world problems, but I think it brings to light the newfound definition of what we find essential. At the first newsbreak of the outbreak so many thought toilet paper was essential and yet it seems that when it comes down to it food, computers and printer ink/paper have climbed to the top of the list. And I would hope that for myself as well as others that what was stripped back from ‘essential’ would be right sized as life gets back to a more ‘regularly scheduled programming.’
Colossians 3:1-4 says, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”
This truth is essential. I think it is instructive that both turns in the text are active verbs showing that I have to intentionally SET MY MIND and SEEK THE THINGS. My gaze has to be purposeful and the benefits of that will reap fruit to my mental health, my attitudes toward those I am with and all the feelings that come my way through these loooooooong days.
Often in our walks with Christ we find (or at least I have, haha) that He recalibrates what I think is ‘essential.’ And often that shift can be painful in the moment but can put in perspective what is essential in this life. And the longer I live I realize that the circumstances that are most difficult force me to gaze heavenward and look forward to the joy and peace and fullness that is to come when we are united with Him in eternity, what a day that will be!
cup of leadership
we def shouldn’t be friends. our backgrounds are as different as three dudes could be.
black / white / hispanic
urban / suburban / country
grew up in church / grew up in the street
west coast / midwest / texas
faith healing / bible church / holiness pentecostal
etc etc etc and 100 more if i needed to keep going to prove a point.
but my goodness, i have learned so much from these dudes. i view so many things differently from knowing these guys.
my theology / politics / ecclesiology / parenting are permanently altered from our hangs.
not by impassioned speeches they gave,
not by condemning tweets they sent,
but by my observations from proximity.
so much of the nonsense that flows around us online is talking about
people and positions we have never tried to understand.
it’s really hard to hate people you take the time to get to know. so christians, if we are going to spend eternity together, maybe we should try and get along now
:) #thisisgoodnews#listenforunderstanding#kingdomdiversity
book review
in the vibe + spirit of ‘unbroken,’ this look at a medal of honor winning vietnam vet’s personal and spiritual journey is delightful. without becoming saccharine, the story gives dignity to the front line fighters from that confusing war. while vividly describing the trauma endured by those in battle, the internal locus of control needed to find new life is also clearly described. the coming to faith part of the story has a warm cast of characters that gives great insight into how love can do what words often can’t. highly recommended … very enjoyable read.
recommended by a treasured friend, i found wealth in the pages of this book. just finished it for the second time in a year, and woah. it’s radical in its call to let go of the things we hold onto. it pushed me to see how often my keeping of a ‘record of rights’ perpetuates holding a harmful ‘record of wrongs.’ i was deeply moved to keep doing the deep work of carving every unloving thought out of my life. whether this is a season of mountain high or valley low, this book will help you.
content this week
if you need some encouragement, my wednesday night sermon (along w worship from my two friends above + prayer) is on youtube. the message was titled, ‘not in a hurry: the questions god does and doesn’t answer’
my messages are continuing to go up on my podcast … would love for you to subscribe!
verse of the week
the lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
2 peter 3:9
pieces of good news I saw this week
1. my friends at elevation worship have a new record out this week … some killer tracks you have probably already heard including ‘the blessing’ and ‘graves into gardens’
2. lilli interned for me a few years ago. she’s a SHARP young leader, her essay about finding herself on the COVID-19 unemployment line hit me really hard.
3. i vividly remember watching ‘joe millionare’ and as a teenager not totally understanding how preposterous and exploitive it was … this article (with a few nasty words in it) hits it hard.