1.18.2020 - week 38
on addiction and judgement and god’s heart
therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. 1 corinthians 4:5
but the lord said to david my father, ‘whereas it was in your heart to build a house for my name, you did well that it was in your heart. 1 kings 8:18
‘i believe you.’
as this new friend built to the crescendo in his story, i was taken aback. he was explaining to me a visit to a therapist, trying to demolish a long held addiction. he was not new to this particular struggle, this being his 4th counselor. and as a ‘bible guy,’ counseling only started after pastors and friends became too exhausted to help.
he had wandered in to this new specialist and immediately started pouring out his heart. ‘i don’t want to keep falling down this same hole’ ‘i have done everything i know to do to fix it’ ‘i’m so sorry for hurting others, i truly don’t mean to’ and on and on he went …
and after what he thought was a few minutes (but was probably more like 30), the counselor leaned over and dropped this atomic bomb of kindness.
‘i believe you’
my friend expressed to me that he had never had anyone say that to him before. there was always the need to muffle his expressions of frustration at his own behavior with subtle qualifications. ‘i’m sure you think you are sorry’ or ‘you won’t change until you truly want to’
while not quickly or without setback, that moment was the start of his breaking the chains.
i don’t have a ton of firsthand experience with addiction, but what i do have has taught me that most of those caught aren’t failing because they don’t want to get out.
is it true that we sometimes apologize without truly understanding the reality of the hurt we cause? sure
do some people use expressions of remorse as a way to avoid responsibility for their actions? no doubt
BUT BUT BUT BUT
more often than not, we punish ourselves plenty for our failures and the pile-on doesn’t help. the verses above allow me to believe god is worshipped by our longings, even when they are ultimately unsuccessful. if god loves us enough to give us credit for the gap between our accomplishments and desires, why wouldn’t we try to do the same for each other?
boundaries are good and consequences are inevitable, but what might happen if those were combined with a genuine acceptance of expressions of remorse?
KG Korner
(a few wise words from lady kristen macdonald)
This week I began (LORD WILLING) the last time I will have to potty train a child. Please shoot off fireworks in Felicity’s honor as well as mine! We have made drastic progress and yet I’m deciding on whether or not it’s clicked quite yet, time will tell. That has meant that most of my time has been found on a stool in the bathroom singing songs from Frozen, cheering her on or pleading with her to just go potty. I’ve had to put all I have wanted and needed to accomplish aside because if I want her to succeed all my focus has to be in this singular direction.
Our church also started a fast on Sunday. I haven’t fasted frequently for a few years and so the clear invitation to choose something as a sacrifice wasn’t taken lightly. In all honesty I didn’t think it would be as hard as it has been and I didn’t think that it would be as focusing as it has been. It’s amazing to me how quickly our hunger crosses our minds or distracts us. It’s refreshing to be free from things that can so quickly blur my focus. The truth is I wouldn’t have started on this trek of 21 days of fasting if the church as a whole wasn’t and yet I am so thankful for the accountability in knowing that as I am ‘withholding’ so many others are as well.
As I was thinking and praying about what to share this week, what came to me was the theme that has been overarching: self denial. It’s painful to see your humanity at it’s fullest form which is in full fledge after hunger and withdrawls from sugar and a two year old singing ‘Let it go’ for the hundredth time. And very quickly it has brought me to my clear and persistent need to bring my burdens to Jesus and thank him for the self denial he chose on my behalf.
He denied himself :
Comfort
Matthew 8:19-20 says, “And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
Status
Luke 2:7 says, “And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.”
An easy path
Luke 22:21 says, “But behold, the hand of him who betrays me is with me on the table.”
Freedom of Pain
Luke 22:44 says, “And being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”
All so we could know him, love him, have hope & fellowship with him. My self-denial is mild inconveniences compared to the lengths he went for me and you and yet five days in and my eyes are widened to know more of him and love him and to thank him that he cares even for me. If you’re feeling a bit stuck, you might find what I’ve found this week that a little bit of self-denial goes a long way. Cheers to water & veggies & sweet prayer times with Jesus.
cup of leadership
beware of ‘right reasons’ guy. this is a person who builds a pedestal to condemn you from by establishing themselves as the jury on others motives. the reality tv version strongly asserts that they are the better choice for the prize (the rose / the money / 41 more seconds of fame etc) because of the purity of their intention in the endeavor. these folks aren’t just on tv, they are also in the church.
this person often assesses ambition/effort/preparation as negatives. they love to write tickets to young leaders for their mixed motives and pull anyone going fast over out of concern. they are good at starting subtle. after affirming your gifts and impacts, he mutates malicious with the assertion that you could do even more if you cut out of some of your bad intention habits. slowly but surely, you get incessant faux-prophetic inquisition into your every ‘why.’ at least the more honest version of this guy does turn navel gaze-y and put himself through the same grind machine of endless self-assessment.
the intriguing thing about ‘right reasons’ guy is that he isn’t super interested your reflections on his behavior. the feedback can only go one way or ‘right reasons’ guy is bound to go dead silent or nuclear loud. the only path to dealing with this person is not to allow them into your life in the first place.
there’s one guru. his name is jesus. we worship him. self-appointed judges must be turned away at the door.
book review
this is genuinely one of my favorite business bios. for someone with such astonishing accomplishments, iger writes w graciousness + humility. the prose makes this an easy read and the inside story story of the mergers w. @pixar / @marvel / @starwars makes for riveting reading. many momentous events are covered from the inside. the core lesson from this book for me is to be disciplined in choosing few priorities and relentless in chasing after them. also, good content wins out in the long run.
content this week
we posted probably my favorite message from the last year,
‘the power of verbal restraint’
verse of the week
but each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
james 1:14-15
2 pieces of good news I saw this week
1. i really like the newer song ‘king of kings’ – this version w. just brooke + a piano in front of 50,000+ people is quite lovely, check it out
2. if you are looking for some new music, my 2020 playlist is up and going.