05.11.19 - week 3
romans 12.15 – rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
this past week this verse stopped me in my tracks. tucked in the middle of a long and beautifully convicting list of moral imperatives, the simplicity of the sentence construction leaves little room for nuanced parsing. in a section that starts with an appeal to ‘genuine love,’ this verse calls us to meet people where they are. connect + modulate our emotions towards theirs. be present with them where they are.
somewhere along the way i slipped into a pattern contrary to this ideal. the combo of parenting/pastoring leads you by necessity to a lot of attitude adjustment conversations. lots of ‘you should really’ + the subtler ‘have you considered’ – words designed to push someone towards a more righteous path. it’s not that those types of convos are wrong, its simply that they should be like that one weird massive knife in the set you got for your wedding that no one is totally sure what to do with. that is, rarely used.
the times in my life when i have veered from one path to a better one, or moved from unhealthy emotion to healthy, have been through people who would stay connected regardless of whether i changed to their liking or not. that’s the space where transformation happens. so when the team loses, it doesn’t have to be about why losing doesn’t matter or why their missed free throw cost the game. it can just be ‘this stinks.’ gently mirroring back the emotions of the people around you is often the most empathetic, dare i say, loving thing you can do.
what if love is almost always about connection and almost never about correction?
Cup of Leadership
no amount of wanting or blaming or lamenting can change reality. what is, is.
the willingness to embrace it is critical path to current happiness + future success. energy invested in wishing it turned out different is wasted because it allows my mind to wander away from reality into day dreaming.
i am a sinner. nothing can change that, and it can’t be repaired through jesus without acknowledgment of it. that’s radical acceptance.
our marriage broke.
he failed out of school.
i am bankrupt.
that dream won’t happen the way i thought.
what if the next time someone expressed an emotion to you, before you affirm it or try to adjust it, you simply accepted it?
she feels envious/nervous/trapped etc.
when someone is described as a good listener, typically that’s what’s being responded to, they engage without immediate assessment. when we acknowledge what is whether internally or relationally, propelling towards the target of love is much easier.
Book Review
i loved this book because it took an unusual path. it graciously showed me some better ways to take, didn’t induce guilt by telling. the prose and story-telling made for enjoyable reading. the ideal being presented was well nuanced and explained. i found myself readily applying the core concepts to conversations in real time. kindness is strength, niceness is weak.
3 Things I Really Liked This Week
1. every year i make a spotify playlist of new music through the year, you might like this years version
2. this might be one of those ‘child of the 90s’ only things – but i LOVED this chris farley tribute song from adam sandler.
3. i ran across this little teaching i did for vertical worship last year. it’s a perfect encouragement for a hard season or day.